今晚吃了晚餐到附近新开的商场逛逛，里面有我爱去的书店。
看到小说就会看到他喜欢的作者藤井树的作品。
其实我看到后会有说不出的感觉，是有点不开心的感觉。
我从来都不知道原来他爱看小说，他会看这本书的开始是他前女友介绍的。
原来我不了解他，他爱吃黄梨饼，我也不知道。可见那女生很爱她。。。
我觉得自己很无谓，在吃不应该的醋。
但是也生气自己不了解他。。。
他爱看的书难道我无理取闹叫他不要再看？
我知道自己内心在挣扎，觉得很无谓，很白痴。
我也不是在装大方，不应该就是不应该，这就是我。
我就是知道他爱我，疼我，我也不会无理取闹。
可能这就是恋爱，总是会想很多无谓的事。
为了跟靠近它，我学着去看小说。。。
并没说我不爱看小说，只是没什么看文学小说。
我比较爱看翻译文学，如侦探小说《福尔摩斯》。漫画名侦探柯南崇拜的侦探。
我的兴趣满像爸爸的，三国，武侠，侦探。。。
我都满喜欢。。。武侠戏来至金庸，神雕侠侣，雪山飞狐 等等的。。。
但是小说我很少会看到完，总是看到一半就会停。。。
漫画是我的最爱咯！但是近年来少看了，很多不好看的，无理头的。。。
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
四面楚歌
为什么四面楚歌？
昨晚，我们一家和二伯，二伯母用餐。吃完晚餐，他们总是聊天后才回家。
广东话说“有早知，就没乞丐”，我如果知道他们是要对着我说话我一定和弟弟一起坐在里面看书好了。。。
四面楚歌用在爸妈，伯伯和伯母。。。四人对我的夹攻。。。
我一直以来也觉得我爸爸会是个明白事理的人，原来一切都是我的幻觉。
原来他总是认为我会读完书就去结婚。。。
如果是这样那我一开始就不应该读大学了，嫁掉他就好啦！
爸爸还说：“明知道你的成绩平平还硬硬要供你读书。。。。。。。”
我就已经知道他们从来都对我期望不大，或者说没期望什么。
爸爸，女儿不聪明如弟弟。。。
我能继续读书对你们来说就是个安慰了。
我也没说过读完出来就结婚，文凭不是我的嫁妆。
以前有什么不满，不愉快，我都写在纸上给你们。
但是现在总觉得有种心灰意冷的感觉。
例如我对你们说将来我会照顾你们的，通常人家应该会说：“我知道你很孝顺”
你们却说：“很难讲的，将来的事没有人知道。”
原来我的“一针见血”是你们的遗传。说话一针见血。。。
其实父母不是应该对自己孩子有信心的吗？
是因为我没给你们信心，你们就不信任我？
爸爸妈妈。。。
在家我没有心灵支柱，我的心很难支撑。
经常独自深夜里无声流泪，强忍着哭泣的声音。
人家说我幼稚，我并没承认过我很成熟。
我也很想有一个能听我说心事的父母。
但是我对着你们我有口难言，有许多说不出的心事，数不清的苦。
我变得不爱在你们面前说心事，也不太爱在你们面前出现。
你们说得我都懂，你女儿我做不出什么惊天动地的事出来的。
你们总爱说：“出事了，后悔也来不及”
我懂
你们说教有时就像给了我无形的巨塔压在头和肩膀上。
许许多多的压力，我只能听了等两天来消化。
我难过总是会装傻来带过，装傻后是发泄。要不就丢东西，要不就无言的哭泣。
妈妈，我在想有一天我是否会疯掉呢？
上次在“面书”写的东西我没想过爸爸会看到。被爸爸认为我在投诉你们。。。
这次就只好写在日记里。
有口难言，也有许多数不清的苦。
感谢自己善忘，不过多善忘。。。刺在心头上的伤不是说能消失就消失。
今天看了古灵侦探B，里头说了一些话我觉得有道理。
人就是这么复杂的，
你付出感情在一段关系上越多，
你就越难忍受对方背叛自己。
如果每一件事都去计较和计算，
也只会令人与人的关系变得根脆弱。
他们是我的父母，我无从选择。。。
生我者，育我者，难道我能对他们不孝吗？
每个人爱人的方式都不一样，我也不打算计较什么。
阿晖，这一切你都会看到的。你就试着不要放在心里，好吗？
他们怎样也是我的父母，我不能不孝。
我跟你说这一切因为我不能这样把一切都收藏在心里。
不然，我不知道自己几时会疯掉。
但是如果伤害了你，告诉我好吗？
既然要在一起，我就不想隐瞒你。
隐瞒就会变得很难相处。
原谅我。。。
~信乃~
昨晚，我们一家和二伯，二伯母用餐。吃完晚餐，他们总是聊天后才回家。
广东话说“有早知，就没乞丐”，我如果知道他们是要对着我说话我一定和弟弟一起坐在里面看书好了。。。
四面楚歌用在爸妈，伯伯和伯母。。。四人对我的夹攻。。。
我一直以来也觉得我爸爸会是个明白事理的人，原来一切都是我的幻觉。
原来他总是认为我会读完书就去结婚。。。
如果是这样那我一开始就不应该读大学了，嫁掉他就好啦！
爸爸还说：“明知道你的成绩平平还硬硬要供你读书。。。。。。。”
我就已经知道他们从来都对我期望不大，或者说没期望什么。
爸爸，女儿不聪明如弟弟。。。
我能继续读书对你们来说就是个安慰了。
我也没说过读完出来就结婚，文凭不是我的嫁妆。
以前有什么不满，不愉快，我都写在纸上给你们。
但是现在总觉得有种心灰意冷的感觉。
例如我对你们说将来我会照顾你们的，通常人家应该会说：“我知道你很孝顺”
你们却说：“很难讲的，将来的事没有人知道。”
原来我的“一针见血”是你们的遗传。说话一针见血。。。
其实父母不是应该对自己孩子有信心的吗？
是因为我没给你们信心，你们就不信任我？
爸爸妈妈。。。
在家我没有心灵支柱，我的心很难支撑。
经常独自深夜里无声流泪，强忍着哭泣的声音。
人家说我幼稚，我并没承认过我很成熟。
我也很想有一个能听我说心事的父母。
但是我对着你们我有口难言，有许多说不出的心事，数不清的苦。
我变得不爱在你们面前说心事，也不太爱在你们面前出现。
你们说得我都懂，你女儿我做不出什么惊天动地的事出来的。
你们总爱说：“出事了，后悔也来不及”
我懂
你们说教有时就像给了我无形的巨塔压在头和肩膀上。
许许多多的压力，我只能听了等两天来消化。
我难过总是会装傻来带过，装傻后是发泄。要不就丢东西，要不就无言的哭泣。
妈妈，我在想有一天我是否会疯掉呢？
上次在“面书”写的东西我没想过爸爸会看到。被爸爸认为我在投诉你们。。。
这次就只好写在日记里。
有口难言，也有许多数不清的苦。
感谢自己善忘，不过多善忘。。。刺在心头上的伤不是说能消失就消失。
今天看了古灵侦探B，里头说了一些话我觉得有道理。
人就是这么复杂的，
你付出感情在一段关系上越多，
你就越难忍受对方背叛自己。
如果每一件事都去计较和计算，
也只会令人与人的关系变得根脆弱。
他们是我的父母，我无从选择。。。
生我者，育我者，难道我能对他们不孝吗？
每个人爱人的方式都不一样，我也不打算计较什么。
阿晖，这一切你都会看到的。你就试着不要放在心里，好吗？
他们怎样也是我的父母，我不能不孝。
我跟你说这一切因为我不能这样把一切都收藏在心里。
不然，我不知道自己几时会疯掉。
但是如果伤害了你，告诉我好吗？
既然要在一起，我就不想隐瞒你。
隐瞒就会变得很难相处。
原谅我。。。
~信乃~
Friday, September 4, 2009
I should know
I should know, should know that actually I dont have much friend.
I saw my friend blog, she is from Penang.
Only 1 semester she have been very good friend with our coursemate.
Sometime I was wondering if I can join them more.
I might quite good friend with them too.
But I didnt...
Sometime because my time problem...
my parent dont like I go out to late.
Except for study and homework problem.
Why I said "I should know"?
because since I at primary school until now I really dont have much friend.
Sometime I join here sometime I join there.
Actually I very miss my "mummy" pinky.
Exam we all busy with study.
Maybe I didnt join people that much, that's why I didnt have friend memory a lot like she did.
I always hope to get a birthday surprise like she got.
But my birthday always around chinese new year.
Next year my 21 years old Birthday....
Still planning should I have a birthday party?
nope? then mummy no need spend RM100++ to buy my "key" cake
yes? then how many people are coming?
do I get to ask them here?
maybe not...
My birthday is our college holiday la...
All should going back hometown.
my secondary friend should be,then need to send them home and come back to clean up house?
maybe there is no need to have a birthday party,is spend a lot and not lot of them can come.
Friendzzz... Sometime people said:" no need to have lot friend,just need a best friend."
I dont even know do I have,I treat "pinky mummy" as my best friend.
I love to talk to her, everything that i facing,sad,happy...
But most I remember she said me:"remember Boy friend,didnt remember her"
my boy friend,he always able to be with me.
Hui... dont think i get lot friend. Actually I didnt...
Thank you for always be with me...
~shino~
I saw my friend blog, she is from Penang.
Only 1 semester she have been very good friend with our coursemate.
Sometime I was wondering if I can join them more.
I might quite good friend with them too.
But I didnt...
Sometime because my time problem...
my parent dont like I go out to late.
Except for study and homework problem.
Why I said "I should know"?
because since I at primary school until now I really dont have much friend.
Sometime I join here sometime I join there.
Actually I very miss my "mummy" pinky.
Exam we all busy with study.
Maybe I didnt join people that much, that's why I didnt have friend memory a lot like she did.
I always hope to get a birthday surprise like she got.
But my birthday always around chinese new year.
Next year my 21 years old Birthday....
Still planning should I have a birthday party?
nope? then mummy no need spend RM100++ to buy my "key" cake
yes? then how many people are coming?
do I get to ask them here?
maybe not...
My birthday is our college holiday la...
All should going back hometown.
my secondary friend should be,then need to send them home and come back to clean up house?
maybe there is no need to have a birthday party,is spend a lot and not lot of them can come.
Friendzzz... Sometime people said:" no need to have lot friend,just need a best friend."
I dont even know do I have,I treat "pinky mummy" as my best friend.
I love to talk to her, everything that i facing,sad,happy...
But most I remember she said me:"remember Boy friend,didnt remember her"
my boy friend,he always able to be with me.
Hui... dont think i get lot friend. Actually I didnt...
Thank you for always be with me...
~shino~
Sunday, August 23, 2009
My Blog is secret,His blog is my Happinese
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/arthur_zai/archive?l=f&id=8
Get permission to post his blog address!!! HiHiHi...
This is a chinese blog...
Like his diary too i guess.
but sometime I saw what he wrote inside that he is happy with me, I am haapy same as him too.
I thinking something too...
He feel my perent should not giving me stress like this few days.
I understand...
I was wondering if now I am 13,14 years old.
I'll revolt what they say.
But I am not like that time anymore.
They are my parent, no matter what they do is good for me.
Just that I am Lazy...
Parent will forever parent.
and my parent is better compare to the father who sell their own daughter!!!
Yesterday looking at my baby photo.
Mum said:"see this! see this! Even your dad are busy working and study, but he still take some time to go nanny house and play with you."
I remember there is a aunty is my mummy friend she said:"no need to jealous about your brother! You are thier 1st child, every of their 1st time parent love is for you!"
Is truth, example my photo are more than my brother a lot.
Parent usually will like this...
1st being parent
1st time learn how to take care their baby
1st time have their lovely baby
The 1st baby is the most parent always hug on arm.
I not hate them, just that what he said is hurt.
Daddy is my idol...
Sometime I do hope to get a husband like my dad.
Of course different case must let me shopping!
I was wondering too!
will someday I be same as my mum?
Always ask for travel...
Always ask daughter and son when you free to travel with me?
HaHa...Unbelievable!
Too far from now la wei...
But as long I am feel better now...(^_^)
Without you no 1 will cover me and protect me...
Thank you the one I most love...
M~M~M~M~M~M~M~
the 7 words you know?
~shino~
Get permission to post his blog address!!! HiHiHi...
This is a chinese blog...
Like his diary too i guess.
but sometime I saw what he wrote inside that he is happy with me, I am haapy same as him too.
I thinking something too...
He feel my perent should not giving me stress like this few days.
I understand...
I was wondering if now I am 13,14 years old.
I'll revolt what they say.
But I am not like that time anymore.
They are my parent, no matter what they do is good for me.
Just that I am Lazy...
Parent will forever parent.
and my parent is better compare to the father who sell their own daughter!!!
Yesterday looking at my baby photo.
Mum said:"see this! see this! Even your dad are busy working and study, but he still take some time to go nanny house and play with you."
I remember there is a aunty is my mummy friend she said:"no need to jealous about your brother! You are thier 1st child, every of their 1st time parent love is for you!"
Is truth, example my photo are more than my brother a lot.
Parent usually will like this...
1st being parent
1st time learn how to take care their baby
1st time have their lovely baby
The 1st baby is the most parent always hug on arm.
I not hate them, just that what he said is hurt.
Daddy is my idol...
Sometime I do hope to get a husband like my dad.
Of course different case must let me shopping!
I was wondering too!
will someday I be same as my mum?
Always ask for travel...
Always ask daughter and son when you free to travel with me?
HaHa...Unbelievable!
Too far from now la wei...
But as long I am feel better now...(^_^)
Without you no 1 will cover me and protect me...
Thank you the one I most love...
M~M~M~M~M~M~M~
the 7 words you know?
~shino~
Saturday, August 22, 2009
I never know
I never know I so need a pair of wing.
I hope to gape after a pair of wing.
I was wondering where is my heart.
Few days ago is my dad birthday, should be a happy day.
But the next day I facing some explode in my heart.
Sometime when I told mum I was stress, she’ll said: “what so stress? Nothing to stress wad!”
I feel like isn’t she don’t know what is stress?
That day dad birthday, they will always talk about I didn’t read newspaper.
When I don’t know sometime dad will say I unwisdom.
Two mouths are telling me how stupid I am.
Even today too, today dinner just pass few minute ago.
Dad and mum was talking brother always play PSP no matter where he go.
Saying that both of us are lazy.
Maybe someday my brother will have the same destiny as me.
Or maybe not, I hope no.
I not a child can make them proud.
That day I wrote on facebook said how sad I am.
Every of my friend only can tell me, “don’t sad, don’t sad”
There is another word do comfort me a bit.
“When you born your dad already feel proud”
But I guess that kind of proud is not forever, only for few month, hours, minute or even second.
This few years I feel I’ll not tell them what my feel, and I’ll only cry alone.
Yes, like what dad said. I lazy…
Most of my friend feel I should communicate with my parent.
But I didn’t.
Because I lazy… it change nothing then why should I communicate.
My study standard always is medium.
I’ll not be a top student, My CGPA only 2.65++.
Graduate with merit need 2.75++!!!
WHAT!!!! SO WHAT!!!
My idol is my dad say I unwisdom.
What am I?
The next day of daddy birthday, yes I do cry. Is exploding my stress and my sad.
Add tonight experience, I can’t even find my tear.
I talk nothing when we going home.
Mum Dad except study nothing more you will talk to me?
Mum will only ask when is my holiday, go travel.
What am I to you both?
What meaning that I bring to you both?
Since when I was 13, I always hope can you both feel proud.
But I am not
I am not hardworking as my dad.
I am not a good child.
I have nothing to make you both proud.
I have nothing to make you both happy.
I am mean nothing.
Am I?
But now at least I can get some comfort for him.
The one who will give me freedom.
At least I know be with him I won’t get hurt a lot no matter what happen.
Before that he also will ask me communicate or talk to my parent what my feel.
But now he will only comfort me, because he knows what I need is a place that can comfort me.
Sometime when I want to cry at home is hard.
I don’t want let my parent know.
They will only ask:”why you cry? Cry for what?”
I don’t like to explain.
Explain change nothing.
Yes maybe I should try, but I’ll remember when I try to tell them what happen.
They are not silence and listen to what I say.
But is I said one sentence they talk more than one sentence, then I give up.
You know I do feel lucky, you the place that can set me comfort and safe.
I will be fine.
I was just wondering what can I do for my future.
I am getting lost in my life journey.
~shino~
I hope to gape after a pair of wing.
I was wondering where is my heart.
Few days ago is my dad birthday, should be a happy day.
But the next day I facing some explode in my heart.
Sometime when I told mum I was stress, she’ll said: “what so stress? Nothing to stress wad!”
I feel like isn’t she don’t know what is stress?
That day dad birthday, they will always talk about I didn’t read newspaper.
When I don’t know sometime dad will say I unwisdom.
Two mouths are telling me how stupid I am.
Even today too, today dinner just pass few minute ago.
Dad and mum was talking brother always play PSP no matter where he go.
Saying that both of us are lazy.
Maybe someday my brother will have the same destiny as me.
Or maybe not, I hope no.
I not a child can make them proud.
That day I wrote on facebook said how sad I am.
Every of my friend only can tell me, “don’t sad, don’t sad”
There is another word do comfort me a bit.
“When you born your dad already feel proud”
But I guess that kind of proud is not forever, only for few month, hours, minute or even second.
This few years I feel I’ll not tell them what my feel, and I’ll only cry alone.
Yes, like what dad said. I lazy…
Most of my friend feel I should communicate with my parent.
But I didn’t.
Because I lazy… it change nothing then why should I communicate.
My study standard always is medium.
I’ll not be a top student, My CGPA only 2.65++.
Graduate with merit need 2.75++!!!
WHAT!!!! SO WHAT!!!
My idol is my dad say I unwisdom.
What am I?
The next day of daddy birthday, yes I do cry. Is exploding my stress and my sad.
Add tonight experience, I can’t even find my tear.
I talk nothing when we going home.
Mum Dad except study nothing more you will talk to me?
Mum will only ask when is my holiday, go travel.
What am I to you both?
What meaning that I bring to you both?
Since when I was 13, I always hope can you both feel proud.
But I am not
I am not hardworking as my dad.
I am not a good child.
I have nothing to make you both proud.
I have nothing to make you both happy.
I am mean nothing.
Am I?
But now at least I can get some comfort for him.
The one who will give me freedom.
At least I know be with him I won’t get hurt a lot no matter what happen.
Before that he also will ask me communicate or talk to my parent what my feel.
But now he will only comfort me, because he knows what I need is a place that can comfort me.
Sometime when I want to cry at home is hard.
I don’t want let my parent know.
They will only ask:”why you cry? Cry for what?”
I don’t like to explain.
Explain change nothing.
Yes maybe I should try, but I’ll remember when I try to tell them what happen.
They are not silence and listen to what I say.
But is I said one sentence they talk more than one sentence, then I give up.
You know I do feel lucky, you the place that can set me comfort and safe.
I will be fine.
I was just wondering what can I do for my future.
I am getting lost in my life journey.
~shino~
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Wondering
I feel my parent is known I am with him now.
About our relationship.
Yes, I do celebrate with him for his birthday.
Just I regret I didn’t buy a cake for him.
He start study at September, my exam at September.
I hope everything is fine.
Today I am missing someone again.
There has been long time I didn’t pray to god…
Is sin
Recently feel tire and sleepy.
Well not much to say
I miss someone,
I quite happy recently,
I quite worry my exam and assignment,
And a bit getting lazy and lazy.
=P
~shino~
About our relationship.
Yes, I do celebrate with him for his birthday.
Just I regret I didn’t buy a cake for him.
He start study at September, my exam at September.
I hope everything is fine.
Today I am missing someone again.
There has been long time I didn’t pray to god…
Is sin
Recently feel tire and sleepy.
Well not much to say
I miss someone,
I quite happy recently,
I quite worry my exam and assignment,
And a bit getting lazy and lazy.
=P
~shino~
Thursday, July 30, 2009
His day to grow!
Today 30 of July 30, 2009
Still left 1 hour is his birthday.
His 21 year old birthday.
If I not mistake I never have the chance to celebrate he birthday with him.
So I wish tomorrow I’ll able to celebrate his birthday with him until 12am.
But is impossible.
Maybe in the future.
Don’t know isn’t because I moody or what?
I easy get jealous, very sensitive.
I don’t like myself be like this.
But does mean I want give up.
There is long time I didn’t pray to god.
My father god…
I hope god will bless our relationship.
Sometime I do hope parent have the thinking like his mum.
As long their daughter like the guy, they will be fine and no disagree.
As long is not bad guy and the daughter will think well for herself too.
God…
Father lord…
Forgive me…
Pray for my family, him, my studies, and friend.
God bless me, Amen.
Happy Birthday darling. May I be the 1st who tell you this.
~shino~
Still left 1 hour is his birthday.
His 21 year old birthday.
If I not mistake I never have the chance to celebrate he birthday with him.
So I wish tomorrow I’ll able to celebrate his birthday with him until 12am.
But is impossible.
Maybe in the future.
Don’t know isn’t because I moody or what?
I easy get jealous, very sensitive.
I don’t like myself be like this.
But does mean I want give up.
There is long time I didn’t pray to god.
My father god…
I hope god will bless our relationship.
Sometime I do hope parent have the thinking like his mum.
As long their daughter like the guy, they will be fine and no disagree.
As long is not bad guy and the daughter will think well for herself too.
God…
Father lord…
Forgive me…
Pray for my family, him, my studies, and friend.
God bless me, Amen.
Happy Birthday darling. May I be the 1st who tell you this.
~shino~
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